Guts Over Fear… Always

January 8, 2018

I know someone who wanted to write a blog for years. But she was afraid. People would ask her when she was going to start one but she felt like she never could.

Something happened one night many years ago that held her back. 

Her husband travelled for his job sometimes, which she was used to but it always seemed to flare her anxiety a bit. Still, she had learnt to manage it over time.

Then one night when he was away, the phone began to ring after midnight. The caller ID showed an overseas number. She didn’t feel like answering so she let it go to voicemail, later checking the message just in case.

The voice she heard was familier. It was a voice she hadn’t heard for over a decade. The answer phone held a long drunken abusive message that startled her. He had found her number online and decided to distrupted her world with his threats. He had asked if he had to come to her town and hunt her down.

She called her husband and he drove straight home from where he was staying. Thankfully it wasn’t too far away.  She sat in the quiet house and waited. The sound of the phone ringing from downstairs contined to pierce the silence.

When he was finally home they turned down the volume and she tried  her best to sleep. It wasn’t easy. There was a strange feeling of shock and disbelief at what had occured.

They woke in the morning to more messages. This became a familier thing for a while. The threatening ring of the phone in the early hours.

Over the next few months, the messages came and went. Things would settle for a while and just went she was beginning to feel okay again, her peace would be shaken by their return.

They decided to get a private number when they moved house and took their voices off of the answer phone. It was hard for her to trust. She felt constantly on guard. 

Another year passed and she realised that she’d had enough. She was tired of feeling afraid. So she got up the courage to start a blog and finally began her journey of documenting how God was helping her to grow. It was a year that would change her and shape who she was becoming. It was scary being so open and honest but it was real. She wasn’t hiding anymore.

A year on, she became more confident and shared her battle with anxiety. It almost crushed her being that vulnerable, but she knew that she could never hide again and that felt freeing. Something had shifted within. Something was forever changed.

This time when her anxiety increased she had an outlet, and it was easier to talk about. She didn’t feel trapped anymore. Sharing had become part of her life that was as important as breathing.

 

I am so thankful for this Life Honey community that has given me so much support and a safe place to share my world. I am no longer that person who was afraid, looking over my shoulder, I am now someone who will never let myself be silenced by fear again. I know that I feel it. But I choose to be bold and courageous anyway.

I take inspiration from artist Georgia O’keeffe who said “I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do.”

Whatever has happened in your life, whatever you battle with, please don’t for a second let it stop you from being who you are called to be.

Don’t let it rob you of the joy that is waiting for you. Don’t let it convince you that it’s safer to hide because it isn’t. 

It took me years to start writing and it was writing that helped me to heal.

I love the words of Ann Voskamp who says
‘God wastes nothing and He heals two broken hearts with one story – the reader and the writer.’

He uses everything we give, and I know that first and foremost he has used those words to change me, so this is why I share my stories – in case someone else is struggling in the dark, looking for a light switch.

It’s okay to feel fear sometimes, we all do, but it’s not okay to let it stop you from really living.

Be a force of love. Choose to do it afraid. Feel the fear and live wholeheartedly anyway.

Guts over fear,

Always

Dee x

4 Comments

  1. Reply

    Allison Shaw

    Love you Dee, love your courage & honesty 🙂 xx

    1. Reply

      Life Honey

      Thanks Ally. Love you x

  2. Reply

    Amy

    Oh Dee! This is so vulnerable and yet so beautiful at the same time. While my reasons were not the same, it took me many years to get over fear and begin using my voice. I am so happy to have found your words through my own blogging journey. xx <3

    1. Reply

      Life Honey

      Thanks Amy for your kind words. Fear can be such a huge hurdle to overcome. I am so glad you did start writing, you are such an encouragement and I love reading about the way you see things, I so often can relate. I am so happy to have connected with you too! xx

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