It has been years since I did any work in TV or film. Years. I had reluctantly closed that chapter. I made my peace and moved on.
I was at film school around the time the World Wide Web was kicking off (which makes me feel quite ancient really). Digital video wasn’t even a thing yet. We worked with S-VHS and with a little film.
So when I finished my last TV job in Auckland before moving home for lifestyle change, I realised that door was probably closing and the technical aspect would most certainly hit me on the way out.
I’d had a good run though, I’d achieved what I had set out to achieve. I’d done my time working at a local station on the music show, hours and hours compiling music video tapes, helping on ad shoots, I’d filmed, edited, spent weekends filming Giants basketball games, Sundays at the soccer and various other jobs.
I’d moved on to become a production assistant and emerging production manager on a documentary for Inside NZ. I’d assisted on many corporate videos, a shoot for pacifica and the making of a Disney movie. I’d spent almost all of my weekends working on an independent horror film with friends from film school out in East Auckland. I’d take the bus over an hour each way to hang out and work some more.
In many ways, I had done everything I had set out to do. I’d used my training and had many different experiences. Maybe there was closure in that?
At 17, I was one of the younger students at my film school. Music and film were my passion. I would imagine graduating and making music video’s (Absolute dream job) or working on documentaries if this didn’t pan out.
It was about this time that my last-minute proposal for a doco on teen social groups was picked for a film festival in Wellington. A film festival where I would have to stand in front of a room full of film students from around the country and explain our crew’s project. A somewhat daunting experience.
There is a certain breed of film student at these events who are a little drunk on the knowledge that a few months of film school brings. A few lectures on Len Lye, a screening of Nosferatu and an Alice In Videoland membership card and one can easily morph into a Rodriguez clone, sporting ironic facial hair and clutching a diet coke. There is often no turning back. I remember one kid who got kicked out of our year for his arrogance. Pretentiousness doesn’t fly for long but it is certainly daunting to speak in front of.
I was knee-deep that day, Standing behind a lectern in that old movie theatre, answering questions on behalf of our crew. It was terrifying but I loved the process. I loved being on set, creating and being part of a team.
I love the choices I have made being a stay at home mum these past 13 years. Looking back at the creative journey, I have realised how much I’d love to get back into it. It feels like it’s time. I’m ready.
Where we live there are little opportunities for a stay at home mum with a background in TV. But with God opportunities are everywhere and his timing is everything.
An exciting project has come my way this month.
I will be helping produce a short film for a music video. It’s one for the dream list. I am so amped about it and I can’t wait to tell you more….
The next few months will be a little crazy balancing life, family, writing and this project. We had a production meeting our house this week and I realised very quickly what a crazy juggle it will be, especially with the sounds of kids running up and down the hallway and little hands swiping donuts from the meeting table. It will no doubt be huge!
But I’m learning that the deep end is the place where we learn that we can actually swim.
Scary? Yes, but sometimes the best things are.
Some doors are only closed for a season. There may be things we are called to in the meantime, extremely significant things, but it’s so important to remember that God doesn’t forget.
If something is important to you, it is important to him. Hang onto it.
Keep believing in what could be. And know that timing is everything. Opportunity may come when you least expect it. And it may happen quickly. Be ready to take it up. Even if it’s scary – that’s when you know it’s something you have to do.
Photo credit – Mark Solarski